


Everything Spirals Except Love

by Blankpires



Category: Hamlet - All Media Types, Hamlet - Shakespeare
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 13:40:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20083129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blankpires/pseuds/Blankpires
Summary: Hamlet thinks too much, he carries too many woes and he didn't want to carry one more when he knew he could just get it over with.





	Everything Spirals Except Love

**Author's Note:**

> look dont expect much from this i wrote this when i was sad i wanted to post it bc ik more ppl feel like me and shit like this helps ig

He knew he was an handfull. He wasn't stupid, when a person is being annoying, rude and all that, they know what they're doing, and so, Hamlet knew he was a nuisance in the lives of people around him. And for the most part that didn't bother him, his uncle and his mother in his point of view deserved to deal with his alleged madness. And he didn't care for others in general at the moment. But his childhood friends? Horatio?

That was the reason why presently, he sat on the edge of his bed with his hands on his face. What was he going to do this on fine day? Looking like he was sick, eyebags under his eyes (that were tear stained too! He couldn't get more pathetic!), he was thin and with a naturally pale complexion he really looked sick truly if he didn't know any better he'd think he was dying, he was, or at least hoped so. He didn't only look sick, he felt sick. The possibility of seriously hurting Horatio made his heart feel heavy. But today besides his family problems and the obvious toll they have taken on him making him think about them non stop wether he'd like it or not, he was suddendly worried about how he could be a huge asshole.

He knew why he was acting like this and he knows that this isn't him, so why didn't he stop for one second? Maybe he really was "mad", it felt like two people were inside him constantly figthing maybe one was crazy and maybe it was starting to win over the other... But that was still no excuse was it? He was rude to all of his friends, but the more he thought about it he realised wasn't that bad to Horatio.

Why was that? It felt like his best friend, was the only one who could push the supposed mad part of him away or maybe... maybe his friend really was that special. A different kind of special. One that he has only read about, one that Horatio himself mentioned while they studied greek, what was the story that Horatio had told him? Apollo? Apollo and Hyacinth, yeah that.

Hamlet looked up at his ceiling, with his hands on the bed and took a deep breath. He was going to the library. He needed to get distracted he could go look for that story Horatio once mentioned. But was it possible that what was once directed at him from Ophelia he now directed at Horatio? He gave an half hearted scoff, he was not only an handfull now he was just a downright problem in people's lives wasn't he.

"A big ol' fool..." He wasn't Apollo or any greek god for that matter and something like this, could get him killed (not that he cared). It was worth a shot wasn't it? He didn't have anything more but his Horatio who insistently called him "my lord" even when no one else was around, his Horatio to who he said he held close to his heart... He got up with a slight jump, okay to the library.

Quickly walking over there, he went to Horatio's favourite shelf, mythology. All the stories Horatio had told him, were most likely here.  
After looking for a while he had found it a book with all of Apollo's lovers, some male. He knew this love existed, it was considered a sin by everyone else... He just wanted to read (maybe see?) with his own eyes this love maybe to ignore the fact that he was, in love with Horatio? It was an hard pill to swallow. How did he go from Apollo and Hyacinth to him and Horatio exactly? Was he really that whipped?

Why do his thoughts always spiral like this? He was being dumb. He was thinking about how much he was rude to others but he couldn't even focus on that thought because he was a stupid! Then he couldn't even focus on a myth... Tears started to well up in his eyes, well okay he was in love but also, depressed, he was a mess. A rude mess, he thought bitterfully.

"My lord why are you crying?" Horatio? Horatio was here? He did hear the door open but he guessed whoever entered wasn't looking for greek mythology related books. Also he was occupied crying, oh he was going to pity himself again for fucks sake and he hasn't said anything Horatio was there!

"My lord," Horatio got on his knees right next to Hamlet who sat on the floor, book in front of him and head low ",you don't need to say anything, you know. Hey." He softly said while he opened his arms, Hamlet looked at him and with fresh tears in his eyes hugged him. Oh god he didn't deserve him. He fell in love with the right person there's no one better than his dear Horatio and for that reason he didn't deserve him. Horatio was simply the best and him? Not even before this mess he was suited for Horatio. Now, he had another reason to cry. 

"Haha pathetic." Horatio frowned, his hands passing through Hamlet's hair.  
"You aren't pathetic. My lord it's perfectly normal for you to cry in the current situation you are in I've told you this before." Hamlet let go of his friend and looked up with a sad smile, cleaning his tears with his hand.  
"I'm sorry Horatio I know we've discussed this before and I just can't stop... thinking about everything and nothing."  
"My lord that's fine and if you want I'm here to listen." Hamlet sighed avoiding Horatio's comment, his friend was always there for him, he really didn't deserve him. He was pathetic, an asshole...  
"Horatio, nothing ever goes my way does it?" He lets out a bitter laugh struggling to hold back tears. Horatio frowned once again he wanted to press the issue, know what it is so he could help his friend but, he was clearly in no state to talk.

"My lord-"  
"Let's just talk about something else enough of my problems." He got up and picked up the books that were scattered around him.  
"Yes, my lord." Hamlet smiled weakly, he loved Horatio...  
"Thank you." While putting the books back where they belonged Horatio decided to ask:  
"What were you reading?" Although he had read the titles and and seen where the books were opened when they were on the floor he still asked what Hamlet was reading if anything just to make conversation.  
"Well I was close to having a mental breakdown in my room so as to avoid that I remembered a story about Apollo that you once told me. The details were a bit blury so I was looking for the story I did find it but I still had a breakdown so it accomplished nothing really."  
"Now you know the story better that has to count for something but what story is it exactly my lord?"  
"Apollo and Hyacinth."  
"Oh you could have asked me personally my lord." Hamlet waved his hand.  
"I know but like I said I wasn't really in my best state of mind. Not that I am now but you know." Horatio nodded and took Hamlets hand.

"Let's go distract you then." But being with Horatio wouldn't help much right now would it? While he may forget everything else if he goes with him right now he will be thinking about how he just realised he was in love with him.  
"Okay." But he couldn't say no to Horatio. Not when agreeing made him give Hamlet the sligthest smile. Cute, Hamlet thought, how did I not realise I was in love with him sooner?

Hamlet let Horatio lead him, and even with a knot on his throat he wanted to tell Horatio how he felt. Yes he had only realised the depth of his feelings today but he was scared he didn't have much longer with all this mess that was happening (with his head being like it is). Plus if Horatio felt the same, they could work it out together right? He felt his thoughts starting to spiral again when Horatio stopped and called him.

"My lord." They were in the west part of the garden almost nobody went here besides some passing guards and servants.  
"What are we doing here?" Horatio smiled softly and sat against a tree, Hamlet followed.  
"I wanted you to be somewhere with nothing that could cause you stress."  
"Welcome this is the right place then."  
"My lord what do you want to talk about?" He sucked in a breath what if he just quickly said it? Rip it out like a bandaid! Yes!  
"Horatio I like you, more than a man should like another. I like you the same way Apollo liked Hyacinth." His voices quivered by the end, okay he was going to cry again.  
"My lord is this-?" He took a deep breath and while looking at nothing in particular said.  
"A joke? No. I-I've only realised this today? I've obviously liked you for longer," at this point he was shaking and making hand gestures while talking, "but I didn't even consider hiding it you know? I already have so much to worry about I wanted something, at least one thing, to be solved or at least worked out-" Tears were falling down his face by the end and before Hamlet could discern the look in Horatio's face his friend hugged him like he had done mere minutes ago in the library.

"My lord please calm down first." For a while Horatio did nothing but hold Hamlet while he cried and touched his hair and back, he smiled softly. This was good he liked Hamlet like that too, they could work this out. Horatio was happy to know that their love might turn out to be Hamlet's anchor. Their friendship in a way already was but they liked each other more than two friends do.

Hamlet raised his head and looked at Horatio who without much warning gave him a peck on his lips.  
"My lord-"  
"Hamlet. Please, call me Hamlet, Horatio."  
"Hamlet, I like you too. Let's work this out alright. Our newfound love and whatever other weights your heart is carrying."  
"Well I didn't carry this one for long. I didn't even think about you rejecting me I was too worried what would I feel if I kept this hidden- I was being self centered oh n-" Horatio took Hamlet's hand.  
"No. I understand what you did okay? We should focus on talking about this, your thoughts too but not while you're so shaken up." Hamled swallowed and nodded.  
"Okay let's work this out." And for the first time today his thoughts didn't spiral into their usual pit.


End file.
